random ramblings

Strike up the band and make the fireflies dance

: limeisgreen; November 30th, 2:27

Current Mood:: jubilant

i've got a paper tomorrow, but i'm feeling so spaced out right now.

hahahah, the weekend has been great! isaiah and matz's wedding, mindblowing. it was awesome, like seriously. weddings puts one in a dreamy state. dearest isaiah, if you ever read this, welcome to the family! sometimes words fail me when i want to say it. tsk tsk! but it's a great blessing to have you as a cousin in law! HAHAHA!

i've got a paper tomorrow, but by God's grace, everything will be fine!

there are certain reasons why things happen. I've decided enough is enough, i've ran away too many times from church, avoiding contact with people from church, avoiding being too close to anybody because i know there's one thing that i've yet to rectify. so come on courage, do not fail me. retain in me before fear overcomes me.

being critical isn't being radical. so yes, i will be critical, but i'm not going to be biased. hahaha, my friends never fail to brighten up my life and teach me stuff every time we converse! yes, take a step back, and everything will be clearer. hey hey, bird you know what i mean! thanks:D

so yes world, i know it's been some time. but another chapter of my life is ending. somehow i know where the root of all my problem lies. if anyone ever remembers, my youth pastor David Lee once said that 'sorry is the hardest word to say. To admit you're wrong, it really takes courage'. back then, 'sorry' was just a word. but yeah, after all this time, i finally understand what it means.

hey hey! it's an all new me. God knows how many times i've said it. but what the heck, this time i'm going all out for God.
30 years from now, i'm not going to look back and suffer from a mid life crisis. no, i'm going to look back and thank God that I made this decision today that I'm going to do something for him. not just one thing, but more than one thing. so where art thou calling?

remember the past, forgive the sins done upon you, seek forgiveness for your sins, live life to the fullest without regrets, love your friends, appreciate life and live everyday for God.

i'm bidding you all a really goodnight, thank you all once again for tuning into my blog. stay tuned for the next post. signing off.

i got to say my piece

: limeisgreen; November 16th, 1:22

Current Mood:: enraged

since everyone blogged over the weekend, it's time for me to say my piece. everyone had a go at their take on economics. the damned subject.

so i decided, i might as well.

damn you econs, everytime i read the notes i can't process you into my brains. i'm trying to love you, but your theories and international trade is seriously pissing me off. screw your market structures, why bother talking about 4 market structures with 2 extremes (which doesn't in exist in reality).

y'knw there's so much to rant about this cursed subject, but i shall not let this deep loathing manifest me and restrain me from getting that A.
i will cheat the system and prove it to my tutor that i didn't fry my brains while canoeing. come on brain absorbancy rate increase. delete everything concerned with math and gp. math formulaes and equations are useless for the next 2 years. who gives a damn about the world when you can't even settle a damn economics paper.

my brain is currently deleting all the general knowlegde and everything related to math. 4 days more and i'm free. free from the grasp of economics and all the words.

i await the words 'pens down' on friday afternoon.

mcq is something else. let's leave the worrying to the weekends.

stop now

: limeisgreen; November 8th, 23:54

Current Mood:: nauseated

Current Music:: new kids on the block - summertime

the long wait is finally coming to an end, and the most tiresome and dreadful 1 month is about to descend upon us. Time would move at probably 3 times the normal pace.

Stop now. That's the only 2 words i hear echoing through my mind. stop now before the wrong choice is made. take a step back, think twice, does it make sense. No. then stay focused, everything can wait till after the 17th. Unofficially it would be over. I'm looking forward to friday for a breather.

1 day, that's all we have left.

this feels like a big mistake. Tsk.

Damn, i'll see you all till the 17th. I'm going to scream into my pillow now, cause realitty just hit me. yikes!

Anyone that can bring along with them the air of christmas eve, appear now!

I command thee!

Au revoir.

midnight

: limeisgreen; November 6th, 0:00

Current Mood:: ditzy

5 days, 120 hours, 7200 minutes.

the clock is ticking, time's running out. tick tock tick tock.
my heart's beating, blood is pulsing. boom boom boom boom.
my palm's are sweaty, my head is splitting. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

i am losing it. i can't wait for my math paper, gp paper, chem paper and physics paper. I just dread my econs paper. oh the horror.

I suddenly have a very strong passion for the subject. It's inexplicable. i have suddenly developed a deep interest and sudden understanding for the subject. I'm starting to feel what i used to feel for the subject when i attended the first econs lecture.

maybe i'm trying to deceive myself, but yet it feels genuine. then again, there has been countless of examples where situations have felt so genuine to have led me to believe 'yes, it can't be wrong, this is the one, this is it', but only to find out that it was all just wishful thinking. poof.

things are going to be great.

smile because it might brighten somebody's day! smile because it will brighten your day! but, smile because it describes you best.

and see her as a carbon atom, see her eyes, stare back at them

: limeisgreen; November 3rd, 0:22

Current Mood:: crappy

Current Music:: jason mraz - live high

1 more week, 7 more days, 168 more hours.

freaking out, losing it, getting slacker by the day.

the a levels would effective last for 2 weeks, sort of. But in actual fact, it really is 4 weeks. There's so many things to look forward to!

1) mat's and isaiah's wedding on the 28th!
2) 30th nov :) (we all know it's the last paper, but there's more to it then just the last paper! Right?)
3) flying overseas to trace my roots, again
4) christmas eve and christmas, my favourite days in the whole year, i love christmas eve more though! Why wasn't i born a month late! I love november and december.
5) youth camp!
6) the whole of january for me to rot!
7) the macritchie water that cries out to me
8) army?

So many things to do, but it'll all have to wait. For now, 30th nov come quick, but knowledge please retain in my head!

I need divine intervention! Ahhhhhh!

B's and C's

: limeisgreen; November 1st, 0:42

Current Mood:: frustrated

it's set in stone that i will get B's and C's for my A levels. in short, i am (please fill in the world you feel most appropriate with a similar meaning to the word 'screwed').

where has all my positivity gone to?

damn you a levels. the only thing i can see now is the cover page of my first paper. the intense fear and anxiety is building up as the hour goes by, and the weeks turn into days, then hours, and slowly into minutes and inevitably into the final seconds before the words 'you may begin' can be heard ringing in your ears.

no doubt, all the positivity has leaked out of me, and all I'm praying and hoping for is just for a miracle to happen.

economics, the bane of my life. no correction, you shall not be a bane but a boon. yes, positivity is what i am made up of.

No, negativity will not control me. I will not be afraid of the inevitable A levels, and I shall do my best for it.

then, we'll see how far my best can bring me. until then, adieu my friends/ comrades/ readers.

we could talk awhile but i just don't know what to say

: limeisgreen; October 28th, 0:50

Current Mood:: calm

out of sight,
out of mind,
but when you're in sight,
i lose my mind.

when i look at the stars, i see someone else

: limeisgreen; October 24th, 1:22

Current Music:: switchfoot - stars

i am really sleep.

I hate procrastinating,

I really am shaking with fear everytime i think about how much time i have left to study. Not taking this seriously enough.

Newsflash, without the cert, i aint going to get nowhere.

Status report on how much i've done... Oh there isn't one. Why? Cause i havent done anything much. Shoot me please, just shoot me.

'maybe i'm overcast and all my luck's washed down the drain.'

gasp

: limeisgreen; October 21st, 1:43

Current Mood:: amused

of all the strands of hair on my scalp, the golden brown strand decides to drop when i pull my hair. Yeah i pull my hair all the time, so it gets messy. Can't help it, it's a natural human reaction for me.

I have no idea why i found that absolutely amazing.

Anyway, just to let you all know, i am absolutely enjoying and am on cloud nine whenever i post something. It's probably cause i don't use my haha's that frequent because i'm afraid i would sound cynical even though i really am smiling when i'm typing.

When i ask you something absolutely random, it's not cause i'm nuts. I just don't like awkward silences cause i don't like the people i'm talking to feel bored. Damn, right now i'm just typing without thinking it through.

Fag, another long day tomorrow.

haha, am i the only one!

: limeisgreen; October 19th, 23:30

Current Mood:: annoyed

i really wonder if I am the only one.

what am i referring to?

I'm asking if I am the only one who spent my weekends and my monday slacking and playing. If i'm the only one who can't do the math 2004 paper. If i'm the only who is still not serious enough.

crap, seriously, this is bullshit. i got to get into the mood.

bewitch me!

: limeisgreen; October 15th, 1:42

Current Mood:: excited

i'm enjoying the virgin hours of being legally 18. but then, from now onwards if i ever get sued, it's no more in the juvenile court! I can go to jail! woah.

but honestly, I didn't really feel anything. I just turned a year older. damnnnnnnnnnn. hahahaha! i preferred to be 17. It was so much more fun, or maybe because it's my favourite number and I'm biased. but then again, when I was 17, plenty of things happened! mainly around the same thing. maybe i'll have better luck now that i'm 18!

the amazing thing about turning 18 this year is that the nation has so kindly decided to send me a gift. I have been summoned to serve the country. wow! i was mortified when i found out cause i thought i had to enlist in december. but phew, i've got until february the 5th to get into the mood.

right now, I'm in no mood to celebrate, i'm just..... rather apathetic. i hate being apathetic.

i'm so sleepy! so sleepy that it masks my fears and my wishes. night world!

what makes me different?

: limeisgreen; October 12th, 0:00

Current Mood:: ditzy

today i was asked a thought provoking question. What differs you from non-believers in Christ and what makes christianity so amazing? I wonder how many people of the same faith, or at least they claim to be, would actually realise that there isn't any difference. If that's your answer, uh oh.

conclusion: be spontaneous! let the spirit lead you!

yeah probably to someone of a different faith, reading this would just make me appear nuts to you, but don't you wonder why? ask me!

Since the world's going to end eventually, why study? HAHAHAHA!

yesterday's thought provoking question: Does my wish exceed my fear?
After an amazing dream I had two nights ago, I woke up concluding that my wish exceeded my fears. but as yesterday came to a close, I think i was consumed by fear. I need coke. Apparently, according to one of my chemistry questions with background info, coke is used to relieve headaches and get rid of nervousness.

conclusion: drink coke!

it's midnight! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

don't come just yet

: limeisgreen; October 9th, 23:29

Current Mood:: apathetic

yes my inevitable and impending doom, don't come just yet.

To err is human, but to forgive is divine. It's only natural that we make mistakes. If you did wrong against someone, no doubt your conscience would haunt you like your worst nightmare, and you wished you could undo it, no? but then if someone has done something wrong against you, are you slow to anger and quick to forgive?

or do you resent.

I've spent two full days slacking and trying to get over the tragedy of my 'economics' results. probably shouldn't have but i still did anyway. Time flies and before you realise it, it never comes back again. Just like chances, once gone probably wouldn't return. grab it before you regret it. carpe diem.

for some reason, I really loathe hypocrites. We're all one to a certain extent. you know, fake smiles and fake laughters, but it's just life, isn't it? To put it short, I enjoy the company of friends who I know aren't hypocrites. hmm, that makes it pretty much all my friends! hahaha, but it makes you wonder if I just made a hypocritical statement, doesn't it? fret not, I usually do not lie. Even if i do, the truth always comes following. Blame it on the way I was brought up and all the guilt trips my parents always played on me. Probably a good thing.

9 minutes till the end of my 2 days hiatus and it's a one way trip back to reality.

I'm not going to run away from it any more!

The truth is near and it'll all be out sooner than you know. so ask, before it's too late. you know you want to, haha.

felicity, we have not

: limeisgreen; October 5th, 22:00

Current Mood:: quixotic

yes, it is true. felicity we have not in this dark period of our lives. oh felicity, where art thou!

I've been cast into distraught over my results once again! economics. Even though the results have yet to present itself, my teacher bears no good news at all. Not to anyone's surprise of course.

sometimes i wonder if i am to a certain extent, an atheist. no, there are things more important than results. That includes me finding my way back into church. I definitely need some form of spiritual feeding because I can feel the toll caused by the lack of it. It is hard to start mugging again once the papers are over, but it's even harder to find your way back to church when you've fallen away from it.

Earth, is but only 2-3 degree celsius away from the point of no return regarding the issue of global warming. Our global leaders are meeting up to discuss and put into place various measures to delay and reverse the global warming. Likewise, before I reach the point of no return, I got to find my way back into the Church.

Global warming is taking place within my throat. I call it throat warming. how creative.

truth that i seek, do not elude me. truth that you seek, is on me. don't seek to understand, seek to be enlightened. It is but a mere question away.

go watch wicker park.

something gave it away

: limeisgreen; October 4th, 23:04

Current Mood:: sick

Current Music:: Jason Mraz - If it kills me

There's bound to be days where it just doesn't go right for you. The same applies to me and today was the day. It was just a series of unfortunate events.

amazing children church 'childrens' day' party! whoohoo! but, unfortunate event 1, for my games station we couldn't play the movie clips. No biggie though! We got the problem solved just in the nick of time.

unfortunate event 2, i was on the bus 59 to ric's place and i overslept my stop. nah not too bad, happens quite often? pretty fine.

whoohoo, due to the horrid weather that has plagued Singapore for the past week, my cca peeps decided to go swimming at ric's place! great fun! Then, unfortunate event 3 happened. Not long after we were in the water, i got knee-ed in my face underwater. swollen and bleeding lip. ahh what the heck. I was born to be accident prone! We were back into the pool with our water polo game within a minute.

Unfortunate event 4 came knocking. i got punched in the eye by ric while we were trying to grab the ball in mid air and the goggles i was wearing went into my eye socket. gross. hahahahahahaha! so that was my day. filled with just a series of unfortunate events. I was the only one to get injured. surprise surprise!

but doesn't that all just bore you! I wish I could really type something to churn your brains, so i'll just leave you all this if you are in for some cheap thrills.

( Jason Mraz - If it kills me )

</div>

you're looking for thrills, but get cold feet

: limeisgreen; October 1st, 0:33

Current Mood:: (fill in the blanks)

Current Music:: Kelly Clarkson - I do not hook up

it's october. (screams and run around my room, yanking my hair out, banging my head on the table, lie on my bed and stare into blank space.) what the?!

Whenever I think of some people, certain songs pop into my mind. It's a funny connection, but nonetheless, it is something cool isn't it?

friends! you all have a song attached to you!

i've sunk into depression for the past 2 days, but what can i do about it! nothing. oh well, perhaps hardwork and perseverance might pull me through. Not forgetting the sprinkle of miracle dust from God might help! I'm trying to be optimistic about it all, can you tell? hahahaha!

Fallacy, fallacy! it's all a fallacy! Hear not, see not, taste not, feel not, smell not! believe it not! Fairytales.

Love does not exist. It's all but a tale spun up by the amazing human mind and a word invented to replace the dreams of many. oh maybe i'm just a tad too biased. nah maybe i don't mean what i said.

'I wonder who first discovered the efficacy of poetry in driving away love.' - Pride and prejudice

like death warmed up.

: limeisgreen; September 22nd, 0:14

Current Mood:: sick

it's been awhile old friends, it's been awhile.

I'm taking everything far too relaxed. I'm not supposed to be relaxed, but i am. It's not that I don't care about my papers, it's just that I can't get myself to face my books.

The cause of my stress isn't only my exams, but it's because of my constant procrastination and avoidance to study.

Hey, how are you feeling?

like death warmed up people, like death warmed up.

Tomorrow I'm going to know how it feels like to take an exam with a mask on and with a room full of sick people too. An experience I am so looking forward to, surprisingly. Seriously, my brain is fried.

My life is free of problems, and the only thing that really bothers me is just the A levels which I've studied for for the past er.... 12 years? yeah 12 years. Give up and there's only one word to describe you.

stupid.

so go ahead exams, suck the life out of me. You're just that much closer to killing me. hahahaha, and here's an interesting fact, not that you would care, i guess hahaha! I cannot take too much sweet stuff at one go. A packet of candy is sufficient to cause the phlegm to coagulate in my throat and give me a nasty sore throat. Smoke gets to me too.

anyway, 2nd interesting piece of news, my other body parts are failing me too. I'm pretty bemused though.

3rd interesting piece of news, i'm getting fatter!

in conclusion people, i'm going nuts. hahahaha, can't you tell?

if only it was as easy as 1,2,3

: limeisgreen; September 1st, 0:34

Current Mood:: stressed

This is reality, accept it.

we often cry 'they do not understand me' when we hear things that people say about us. but maybe, no wait, not maybe, Without a doubt, their opinions don't mean a thing. As long as you're able to be satisfied with who you are, no one else's opinion would bother you.

hahaha, everything conflicts. everything isn't what it appears to be. almost everything.

i refuse to believe that my life is to be determined by a mere piece of laminated paper. i refuse to believe that what is reflected on this piece of paper will equate to my success in my life. and i definitely refuse to believe that my purpose in life is to just study, get this piece of paper, work, aim to increase my wealth and leave the world with all this worldly possessions left behind. They are all meaningless.

There has to be a greater purpose in life.

A Christian's purpose in life is to spread the gospel and save the unsaved. To a non-christian, they might just scoff and laugh at it. but to me, being a second generation (being born a christian, or so the world defines it as, even though i honestly think you're not born a christian, it is ultimately a matter of choice. And my choice is yes, i do want to be a Christian), I'm sure my purpose in life has got to be more than that. It can't possibly be just to spread the gospel and save the unsaved. There has to be more.

reveal it to me, I pray.

giving up seems like a mighty fine choice.

: limeisgreen; August 27th, 21:55

Current Mood:: blank

doesn't it sound so enticing to just give up? just waste the a levels away. who cares!

all i want to do right now is just lie on my bed and not move. but everytime, everytime i think of ________, i feel this sudden urge to just push on. I can't lose, no. I don't want to lose. oh man, i sound really egoistic now.

i feel like i'm walking on a really thin line, like a thread, and i'm about to just fall off and never be able to get up again. yes, i am desperate for something that will just help me focus.

i am very, very, very tired. even after three 'very' and a 'tired', it still sounds like a really underrated statement.

my blog is like an avenue where i can just type bullshit and my random train of thoughts filled with underlying meanings and agenda's. and right now i'm on the verge of shutting it down. to absolutely remove away my only avenue to type without thought.

all i really need now is the bed. the rest of the world can just stay a couple of hours away from me and let me rest. i need it, desperately.

distracting, very distracting

: limeisgreen; August 23rd, 1:58

Current Mood:: loopy

right, the proper word to use here is indeed invasion. or worst still, penetration of my thoughts. Never once has anyone had the capabilities to distract me so badly when i'm studying. this has got to stop! and yeah even if it means taking desperate measures! i will! whoohoo!

I've been feeling the constant jolts at the back of my head. It's getting a little... urgh painful. leaves me feeling really light headed and woozy. hahaha!

anyway i took like almost 4 hours to complete a math paper. It was so demoralising. boohoo. For the first time in my life, I survived a whole football match. I actually managed to watch a full match. wow. yeah, amazing right. At simpang of course and apparently my mouth was real loose tonight.

i took a gay walk with kunyi all the way from simpang back to my place. gay. gay. and beyond gay.

i'm losing it. somebody, save me! tell me what i need to know because IT IS DEFINITELY taking up A LOT OF MY THOUGHTS! I'm not thinking about physics, chem, math, econs nor general paper stuff. I'm thinking about the mysteries in life that just aren't revealing itself to me.

crazy, madness, insane i tell you!

bye.

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